2022

 

• Hosted in: Yerevan, Armenia

• Won by: France – Oh Maman! by Lissandro

• UK entry: Lose My Head by Freya Skye

This is the third part of the “French monopoly” saga: It’s fair to say that we’re sooooooo back this year. As part of the celebrations commemorating the 20th edition of the Junior Eurovision Song Contest and NOT being monopolized by Eastern countries, the United Kingdom, yes, all of them, including Wales who have regretted participating on their own, have agreed to compete in the 2022 contest for the first time since 2005.

The BBC took over selection duties, mainly due to their collective hatred towards ITV, not just because they chose their representative for all the wrong reasons, but also… other reasons. They have done literally EVERYTHING to ensure their babe could get high places, including spamming their viewers to vote for them (finally, someone took advantage of the voting system- Oh wait, France, Spain and Georgia have done that last year!), so you can’t blame Auntie for making her song flop.

Their entrant is Freya Skye, who had more chances of winning a Jojo Siwa lookalike contest than a Junior Eurovision Song Contest. Her song, “Lose my mind” (sorry, lose my head), is a more diluted version of last year’s winner “Qami Qami”, and had some vocal hiccups regarding playback. Despite all of that though, it managed to leave a pretty decent impression on viewers, winning the online vote with a pathetic 80 points (or was that because the online vote was tight), but was placed 5th in the jury vote, ending up 5th overall. Not a bad result, considering if we score high places we could become JESC regulars! (We didn’t.)

Unlike the previous two years, Germany did not perform first, in fact, they didn’t compete at all. Instead it had gone to actual JESC regulars the Netherlands., who, you remember, finished last, last year. They send in “La Festa”, a celebratory party anthem, with staging being a literal party. It really didn’t do justice for our Dutch singers, finishing 7th. But hey, last year we got the wooden spoon so that’s actually an improvement! Coming in fairly better is Georgia, who paid tribute to the contest’s humble beginnings by sending an emotional ballad. The voters really understand them well, and placed Georgia on the podium spot.

Ever since Poland did a two-in-a-row, we didn’t see anyone winning on home soil. France was close, but Armenia was HORRIBLY close. Unlike the vaporwave vibe of last year, the hosts got us a high-energy, visually engaging track showcasing crowd-pleasing choreography and upbeat tempo named, and I can’t stress this enough, “DANCE!”, stop begging us, we get it. You know Beknur Zhanibekuly isn’t the only person in the world to be disabled right? 

Speaking of Beknur, it seemed like after two runner-up finishes in a ROW, Kazakhstan have gone on freefall. Even though environmental protection is a good thing, it’s a common theme for some of the songs after all, however their interpretation of it didn’t do justice. They were placed last in the jury vote, and only 42 points from the online vote saved them from being last, instead being second to last. This, alongside the fact that they’re just an associate member of the EBU, is the reason why they have never participated since. At least next year will be a literal European show, and not “Europe, Australia and Kazakhstan”

This isn’t a Eurovision event if it doesn’t have any quirks. Italy send “Bla bla bla”, presumably because of any annoyed they are since their 2014 win, who only scraped 11th, Ireland have an emotional, piano driven ballad which made every Welsh entry an afterthought, which finished 4th, and Spain failed to cracked the top three like they were these days. The flashy Latin-influenced “Senorita”, no, not THAT Senorita, only got them 6th. That’s an improvement, I guess? Meanwhile, their Serbian representative, Katarina Savic, can’t performed live due to medical reasons, and producers have to use the jury show taped a day earlier. All the live audience can see, much like the 2020 interval act, is an empty stage and some music. Not that it mattered though as it finished 13th.

Unfortunately, the headlines have already been taken over by France’s redemption arc. Having being bottled from their jury vote lead last year, La France picked up their form very quickly. “Oh Maman” was a dynamic pop-rock number with rockabilly vibes penned by Barbara Pravi, blending influences like Elvis and Bruno Mars. Their singer, Lissandro Formica, performed with 4 dancers in circus styled-theming, while not managed to top both the jury and online votes like what Valentina did, or finished in a nice round number, the French walked away anyway. And so after only one year off to Armenia, we’re back in France. Let’s hope they won’t win again… are they?

Remember I said that the headlines would be taken over by France’s redemption arc? I lied to you, because the front page should be “Robin denies allegations of being a robot”, despite he literally is, a robot. Every time they call him a robot, he replies “A robot? Where?” Our green room host also introduced to us the winners’ medley similar to 2010, once again, to celebrate the 20th edition of the contest. However, unlike 2010, some of them did not show up for obvious reasons, but human host Karina Ignatyan have hoped that they’ll be watching from home and shed a tear or two. Their songs are performed by the Tavush Diocese Children’s Choir instead on their behalf.

Of those who have actually showed up to the show to perform their winning songs are Bzikebi (2008), Ralf Mackenbach (2009), Vladimir Arzumanyan (2010), CANDY (2011), Gaia Cauchi (2013), Vincenzo Cantinello (2014), Destiny Chukunyere (2015), Mariam Mamadashvili (2016), Viki Gabor (2019), Valentina (2020), and obviously Malena, albeit with shorter hair than last year. Speaking of, she also performed “Can’t Feel Anything”. Another banger, this time in English. Which could’ve made the EBU view the possibility to ditch the language rule. Could’ve.

Presentation and format

It’s no surprised that the contest returned to the Karen Demirchyan Sports and Concerts Complex, which previously hosted the 2011 contest, now with even more sophisticated staging. Robin aside, the show was hosted by Iveta Mukuchyan, Garik Papoyan and Karina Ignatyan. The latter represented Armenia in 2019.

Fresh from the winner’s medley, most of the Junior Eurovision winners who showed up returned to announce their national jury’s 12 points. However, confusing, Georgia’s points isn’t announced by a Junior Eurovision winner, which led to Mariam Gvaladze, one of the members of CANDY, to announce Albania’s points, and Mariam Mamadashvili announcing North Macedonia’s points. Despite those two didn’t have any relation to their respective countries. Tabitha Joy announced the United Kingdom’s 12 points.

The postcards consist of the contestant drilling a spinning top on a monument, in Freya’s case, the base of the Monument of David of Sassoun, revealing a load of mechanics, which released a stream of lights donning the colors of the participating country, before eventually landing on the Karen Demirchyan Sports and Concerts Complex. And no, it does not open that way.

Coinciding with the UK’s return, the BBC was in full swing ahead, promoting Freya Skye like crazy, culminating in the show itself on BBC One and CBBC, with commentary by Lauren Hayfield and Harvey Leigh Cantwell, better known as Hrvy.